How travel and dating apps are changing relationship rules for queer men

The study, published in Annals of Tourism Research, found that travel temporarily removes people from everyday routines, family oversight and social judgement. Dating apps make it easy to meet others in unfamiliar places, often quickly and anonymously. Together, this creates conditions where some couples feel freer to explore intimacy in ways that fit their relationship rather than threaten it. 

The study was based on in-depth interviews with 26 Grindr users aged 24 to 57. Participants discussed using the app during city breaks, long haul holidays and work trips. Some were single. Others were in relationships with different rules around monogamy. The researchers identified two broad relationship arrangements. 

Some couples fall into the “monogamish” category. They are monogamous in everyday life but may agree to sexual experiences with others only while travelling. These encounters often happen together and follow clearly defined rules designed to protect emotional intimacy and relational stability. 

Other couples described themselves as “open”. Sex with others is allowed both at home and on holiday. For these couples, travel often makes meeting people easier and may lead to friendships or emotional connections alongside sex. 

Dr Oliver Qiu, lead author of the study at the University of Surrey, said: 

"This research shows that sex and intimacy are not separate from tourism experiences but are increasingly shaped by digital platforms like Grindr. For some queer men, travelling opens up new ways of negotiating intimacy, desire and wellbeing that are not easily available in everyday life. 

 “Tourism has often been studied as a space for leisure and escape, but much less attention has been paid to how people in relationships navigate intimacy while travelling. This study highlights how mobility and digital connectivity are reshaping relationship norms in subtle but important ways. 

“By focusing on queer men’s lived experiences, the research challenges assumptions about monogamy and shows how tourism can function as a space for emotional negotiation, care, and self-understanding, not just pleasure or risk.” 

Importantly, the study does not suggest that all queer men practice non-monogamy or that holidays damage relationships. Many participants remained fully monogamous while travelling. Problems tended to arise only when expectations were unclear or when relationship boundaries were not openly communicated.